المجلس العالمي للتسامح والسلام

When one of the spouses… cheats!

By: Dr. Antoine Chartouni

Dr. Antoine Chartouni

“What is the most difficult thing in marital life?” Most of the answers fall under the category of infidelity, which not only destroys marriage but also causes a lot of psychological pain. You might wonder what is more difficult: The husband’s betrayal, or the wife’s betrayal. But there is no difference, cheating is cheating, regardless if it were from the husband or the wife.

There are many interpretations that reduce betrayal, and consider that the husband’s betrayal is far more terrible than the wife’s, because the man does not need feelings and love when having sex with another woman. Whereas women, by nature, need a sense of love and security. But we cannot generalize this, because there are a lot of men who need affection and love before practicing sex. Thus, we wonder about the causes of infidelity.

Why someone cheats?

There are many reasons behind infidelity.

First, a tense relationship between the husband and wife and a lack of a warm atmosphere at home, result into infidelity of one or even both of the spouse, for purposes of revenge, or simply to make up for the love they need.

Second, there are many studies that consider that the atmosphere in which the cheater grew up included adultery. And since parents are the child’s role models, if one of them cheats, the child will also cheat.

Third, some social beliefs consider that the husband has the right in having sex for pleasure, but this masculine thinking is wrong, because it leads to the destruction of the marital relationship.

Fourth, a cheater is very selfish, especially after growing up, so this person needs compliments and flatter. If this person does not receive what he needs from their spouse, they look for it elsewhere.

Fifth, the traitor feels that they are still young and can “catch” whomever they want! But this fisherman/woman has to think about their childish and immature behavior.

Finally, the lack of love between the spouses, as well as the lack of self-satisfaction, and lack of interest from the spouse, all lead to treason.

How to reduce infidelity?

The tips we give to the husband and wife before any betrayal occurs help them think more about their behavior in the family and with their children:

1- We ask the wife to care for her husband just as she cares for her children. We notice that after a while, the wife “forgets” her husband and pours all her attention on the kids, and this behavior is totally unacceptable because the husband is, just like the children, a member of the family and in need of care.

2- Boredom kills marital life, so both spouses must provide a fun and joyful atmosphere, not only for children by organizing a birthday party or a small evening gathering with their friends. Both husband and wife should enjoy an atmosphere that keeps them away -for a while- from daily issues, home problems and raising the children.

3- We cannot forget that some personalities or personal aspects could be “annoying” to the other party, so the husband or wife will look for another person only to feel safe and comfortable. In this regard, it is possible to ask the “annoying” high-pitched bossy spouse to change their behavior. This is not easy, and the couple can ask for help from a family therapist to overcome their problems.

4- As for the husband or wife who neglect their appearance or the way they dress: This can push the other spouse to betrayal, so cleanliness and paying attention to appearance is very important in the fortification of the relationship.

5- Since change in marital and sexual life has its own advantages in marital life, a trip outside the country or a change in the scene of love with the wife / husband has a magical effect for both.

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